What do dogs and birds eat?

Onion soup is bad for dogs, but good for humans

Vet: You brought in Mortimer?
Me: Yup
Vet: Well he just brought up a lot of onion soup. Did you make the soup?
Me: Yup
Vet: It smelled REALLY good! What's your recipe?

Second breakfast for Hera

Hera's landlord: Here have some quail!
Hera: YAY! Early dinner! Om nom nom!
*Later*
Hera: Ugh, too full. I can't eat all of this. I will stash it on the floor. Oh, Vikki's here! Maybe she'll feed me!
Me: Hi Hera!
Hera: QUICK I'M STARVING!

Part-time nut cracker

Mort in the back of the car: *Crunch, crunch*
Me: What are you doing?
Mort: Cracking walnuts with my teeth and leaving the kernels and shells all over your back seat
Me: Geez! You'll choke! Stop that!
*Later in the kitchen when I'm cooking with walnuts*
Me: I wonder where the nut cracker is? Hmmm...hey, maybe Mort can be useful for a change! Mort, will you crack this nut for me?
Mort: I've never seen a walnut before and it looks dangerous and I won't touch it.

Sharing breakfast

Mort: Good boy Mort?
Me: Yes, good boy. I will throw you a crumb of Possyum!
Passing fantail: OH! I will chase that small thing you just threw and try and catch it for my breakfast!
Me: Wow!
Fantail: I missed it! You got any more?
Me: Here you go. Have a few crumbs!
Fantail: Yippee! Yum yum!
Me: That's amazing...you are so agile!
Mort: Um. I believe that is my good boy Possyum?

Validation required

Mort: VIKKI I'M EATING A BONE
Me: I am eating toast
Mort: NOTICE AND ACKNOWLEDGE ME EATING MY BONE
Me: Om nom nom toast
Mort: I WILL LEAN ON YOU AND MAKE LOUD HAPPY NOISES UNTIL YOU NOTICE ME AND MY BONE

Comments

The vet, the races, and the weather

Mort's fan club Every other dog I have ever taken to the vet: Me: Come on then, vet time! Dog: No no no this is awful I'm not going you'll have to drag me Vet nurses: Oh don't worry sweetie we won't hurt you Dog: *Cowers* Mort: Me: Come on then, vet time! Mort: AWESOME! Time to get my STRUT on and see my BITCHIZ Vet nurses: Oh Mort, oh Mort, you are so wonderful Mort: Ladies, please. One at a time! Fast, but thirsty Michael: I don't mind racing on the scooter with Mort pulling it Me: Awesome, maybe you'll do really well because you have a sense of balance Mort: I will find all the puddles on the trail and lie down in them and drink while I'm lying down Climate change *Every year for the last 8ish years...* Winter: I'm gonna come and make you COLD Me: Ok, I'm waiting Winter: Get your jumper on and prepare to be COLD! Me: It's the Solstice already and I'm not convinced Winter: You're gonna get properly col...

What are inaudible dialogues?

Simply put, an inaudible dialogue is a conversation that nobody can hear, because it happens in your head. Is it still real? I think so, but if you're a stickler for reality, perhaps read My Science Game instead. I started writing inaudible dialogues as Facebook posts, years ago. Usually, something had passed between me and a cat that was so obviously a conversation that I had to share it. The fact that no words were spoken didn't matter. I am about to post an archive of all the Facebook dialogues that I saved, but most have been lost. They were always meant to be temporary, because they capture a snapshot of that moment shared between me and the cat, dog, shower curtain or whatever other creature or object was involved. However, they seem to be popular, so I will post them in this blog for others to enjoy. As unreal as inaudible dialogues seem, they capture real life. They can happen at any time, while you're doing any boring, mundane thing. To me, the dialogues wi...

Break a leg

Crunch My leg: CRUNCHITY CRUNCH Me: OWWW!!!! Mort: Oh, you're on the floor! What fun! There's a smell over here. What are we doing next? Are you getting up? What if I climb on you? Oh I tripped over your leg! Oh whoops I did it again! Lol. Me: I thought dogs were supposed to HELP THEIR OWNERS IN DISTRESS NOX Part of my mind that is still me: What's happening? Where am I? Part of my mind that has embraced the laughing gas: Shhhhh! It's all faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaine Me: Ouch! I'm sure that hurt, it felt like it should have hurt Laughing gas me: WOW that pain was PURPLE! Me: What are they doing to me?! My leg shouldn't feel like this. Laughing gas me: Purple pain, purple pain... Loyalty Me: Mort must be pining for me while I'm in hospital. My poor boy! Mort: Internalising Leg: Sorry guys, I'm out of action, so you have to lie in a bed for a while. Ears: Ok! We will help by producing lots of extra wax Brain: Ok! I will help by playing vivid...

Inaudible dialogues

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