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Broken legs make bored dogs

Loyalty

*Six weeks ago*
Me: Wanna play?
Mort: Oh god yes! YEAH! I love you!

*Four weeks ago*
Mort: Wanna play?
Me: Well, there's a limited range I can do, and I'm quite tired...but I'll give it a go.

*Two weeks ago*
Me: Wanna play?
Mort: I guess? But you're so slow these days.

*This week*
Me: Wanna play?
Mort: You're dead to me now.

Brexit

Me: What do you guys think about Brexit?
Harry: Sorry, didn't hear you there over the sound of my own boredom
Magnus and Mort: Breakfast?

Not going out

Mort: Let me out let me out LET ME OUT!
Me: Michael, I think Mort wants to go out.
Michael: Ok, I'll interrupt my much-needed sleep, get up, freeze half to death, stand on things and trip over things, in order to let you out, princess.
Mort: I've suddenly changed my mind and HATE the idea of going out.
Michael: Come on! Hurry up! It's cold!
Mort: You can't make me!
Me: Come on, Mort! Go outside with Michael!
Mort: I'm going to squeeze myself right to the back of my crate until the danger of having to go outside has passed.

Yield to authority

Mort: Yay, a bone!
Libby the elderly Border collie: I'll take that, I think.

A bigger ball

Libby: Ball ball ball! Yay! Oh, what's that over there?
Mort: Haha, I took your ball!
Me: Mort! That's Libby's ball.
Mort: I'm going to CHEW IT
Me: No! I'll search around the house, painstakingly, on my hands and knees, to find something else you can play with so Libby can have her ball back.
Mort: Ok. Yay plastic bottle!
Me: Libby! Here, I have managed to get your ball back, at great personal risk!
Libby: Nah that's ok I have a BIGGER BALL NOW!



Dizzy

Mort: Vikki.
Me: Oh, hello!
Mort: Watch me spin in a circle, without you asking me to.
Me: Uh...wow!
Mort: Good boy Mort?
Me: Good boy Mort! Will you go in the other direction?
Mort: Oh nah, I've got other things to do. Just wanted to show you that I can do that one without you asking.

Google Scholar search

Me: Search Google Scholar for garlic+dogs.
Google: What you MEAN to search for is garlic+diabetes+kyolic.
Me: Definitely not.
Google: Well I'm going to put that in anyway cos it's close enough.
Me: I don't want to search for that! Stop autofilling the search bar with stuff I didn't type!
Google: This is a GOOD search. You will like it! It's the best search!

War

Stray cat: This is my fence. I have claimed it for myself.
Harry: I acknowledge neither your claim nor your existence.
Magnus: I WILL SING AT YOU LOUDLY IN YOUR FACE UNTIL YOU RELINQUISH YOUR FENCE AS IT IS ACTUALLY MY FENCE

Different perspectives

Me when I buy a fluffy toy for Mort: Oh, it's so soft and cuddly, it can be his new friend and they can snuggle up together!
Mort when he gets a new fluffy toy: Wow, this is just like a WILD PREY! I can shake it and shake it until it's dead and then I can BITE ITS HEAD until it dies AGAIN!

Feigned indifference

Me: Oh, Mort! You came to see me! Who's a good boy?
Mort: I don't want any affection from you. I just came to lie across your computer.
Me: Ok...I guess I'll find a book to read.
Mort: Don't go.

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