Rejection

Rub it in, why don't you?

Gmail inbox: Here is an email rejecting you for a job you applied for.
Me: Good to know, thanks.
Gmail: Why don't you read it?
Me: I know what it says. Ok, I'll click on it.
Gmail: You haven't read it yet.
Me: I just read it.
Gmail: Read it again! I didn't see.
Me: Fine! I will click on it and wait until you say I read it.
Gmail: Ok, I am satisfied that you have read your email.

**Next time I check Gmail**
Gmail: Hey! You never read that email that rejected you for a job you applied for.

Drive-thru #2

Person at the Drive-Thru window at MacDonalds: Would your dog like a biscuit?
Mort: Less talk, more biscuit insertion
Me: Thank you!
Michael: You can have a chip as well, Mort.
Mort: OVERLOAD

The next time we went to the Drive-Thru:
Person at the Drive-Thru: Would your dog like a biscuit?
Mort: Oh! Yes.
Me: Thank you!
Mort: ....
Mort: .......
Mort: 😔
Me: What's wrong?
Mort: Last time I got a chip as well.

Starving lions in Africa

Me: Breakfast time cats! Here's your biscuits and I'll find some wet food
Magnus: OMNOMNOMNOM
Harry: Where's the rest of it?
Me: Hang on, I'm looking for the wet food
Magnus: FINISHED! Um....are you gonna eat that?
Harry: Go ahead. I can't eat this shit.

Comments

Break a leg

Crunch My leg: CRUNCHITY CRUNCH Me: OWWW!!!! Mort: Oh, you're on the floor! What fun! There's a smell over here. What are we doing next? Are you getting up? What if I climb on you? Oh I tripped over your leg! Oh whoops I did it again! Lol. Me: I thought dogs were supposed to HELP THEIR OWNERS IN DISTRESS NOX Part of my mind that is still me: What's happening? Where am I? Part of my mind that has embraced the laughing gas: Shhhhh! It's all faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaine Me: Ouch! I'm sure that hurt, it felt like it should have hurt Laughing gas me: WOW that pain was PURPLE! Me: What are they doing to me?! My leg shouldn't feel like this. Laughing gas me: Purple pain, purple pain... Loyalty Me: Mort must be pining for me while I'm in hospital. My poor boy! Mort: Internalising Leg: Sorry guys, I'm out of action, so you have to lie in a bed for a while. Ears: Ok! We will help by producing lots of extra wax Brain: Ok! I will help by playing vivid...

Stir crazy

Sucker Mort: What's on the counter? Me: Get down from the counter. Mort: What's in the recycling bin? Me: Get out of the recycling bin. Mort: What's on the table? Me: Get down from the table. Mort: Good boy Mort? Me: No, not good boy Mort. Mort: Muesli bar for Mort? Me: No, no muesli bars for Mort. Mort: What if I sit? Me: That's not really enough. Mort: What if I rest my head in your lap and look at you as though you are my world? Me: Awwwww.....ohhh....ok! Cable Mort: Om nom nom cable Me: Whoa! No! Not that Mort: Good boy Mort? Me: No! Not good boy Mort! Mort: :( Me: Have your bone. Mort: Om nom nom bone Me: Yes! Mort: Good boy Mort? Me: Good boy Mort! Mort: :) Om nom nom nom BONE! Me: Phew! Mort: I just have to take my bone over to the cable Me: *doing Vikki things* Mort: Om nom nom bone...oh it's right by the cable...I might accidentally chew the cable... Me: Are you chewing the cable? Mort: Bone! Chewing my bone. Good boy Mort. Me: Make sure ...

Inaudible dialogues

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