Rejection

Rub it in, why don't you?

Gmail inbox: Here is an email rejecting you for a job you applied for.
Me: Good to know, thanks.
Gmail: Why don't you read it?
Me: I know what it says. Ok, I'll click on it.
Gmail: You haven't read it yet.
Me: I just read it.
Gmail: Read it again! I didn't see.
Me: Fine! I will click on it and wait until you say I read it.
Gmail: Ok, I am satisfied that you have read your email.

**Next time I check Gmail**
Gmail: Hey! You never read that email that rejected you for a job you applied for.

Drive-thru #2

Person at the Drive-Thru window at MacDonalds: Would your dog like a biscuit?
Mort: Less talk, more biscuit insertion
Me: Thank you!
Michael: You can have a chip as well, Mort.
Mort: OVERLOAD

The next time we went to the Drive-Thru:
Person at the Drive-Thru: Would your dog like a biscuit?
Mort: Oh! Yes.
Me: Thank you!
Mort: ....
Mort: .......
Mort: 😔
Me: What's wrong?
Mort: Last time I got a chip as well.

Starving lions in Africa

Me: Breakfast time cats! Here's your biscuits and I'll find some wet food
Magnus: OMNOMNOMNOM
Harry: Where's the rest of it?
Me: Hang on, I'm looking for the wet food
Magnus: FINISHED! Um....are you gonna eat that?
Harry: Go ahead. I can't eat this shit.

Comments

Break a leg

Crunch My leg: CRUNCHITY CRUNCH Me: OWWW!!!! Mort: Oh, you're on the floor! What fun! There's a smell over here. What are we doing next? Are you getting up? What if I climb on you? Oh I tripped over your leg! Oh whoops I did it again! Lol. Me: I thought dogs were supposed to HELP THEIR OWNERS IN DISTRESS NOX Part of my mind that is still me: What's happening? Where am I? Part of my mind that has embraced the laughing gas: Shhhhh! It's all faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaine Me: Ouch! I'm sure that hurt, it felt like it should have hurt Laughing gas me: WOW that pain was PURPLE! Me: What are they doing to me?! My leg shouldn't feel like this. Laughing gas me: Purple pain, purple pain... Loyalty Me: Mort must be pining for me while I'm in hospital. My poor boy! Mort: Internalising Leg: Sorry guys, I'm out of action, so you have to lie in a bed for a while. Ears: Ok! We will help by producing lots of extra wax Brain: Ok! I will help by playing vivid...

Inaudible dialogue archive

These are a few past posts that I have saved. Enjoy! 1st December 2018 Me: Breakfast, Harry and Magnus! Magnus: OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMFINISHED Harry: What is this? Me: It's the same as what you had yesterday, and the day before. Harry: Nathan fed me yesterday. Me: So? Harry: Nathan cuts it up for me. Me: Really?...okay. Magnus: I'll have it! Harry: SMALL pieces. 24th November 2018 Lewis: Vikki...Vikki...Vikki... Me: Whaaaaaat??!! Lewis: OMG you're awake! Let's get up! Me: Mmmmpfffff it's 6.30am Lewis: Yeah but let's get up! Me: ok FINE I'll stumble into the kitchen and make tea Lewis: Great! While you do that, I'm going back to bed. 1st November 2018 Mam and dad: We're going to the gym. Poppy: When mam and dad go to the gym, I go in my box. Me: But you don't have to tonight, because Michael and I are here! You can stay up and have fun with us! Poppy: When mam and dad go to ...

Inaudible dialogues

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