Skip to main content

Trying to maintain some order around here

Sharing is caring

Mort: Have this
Me: I don't want it
Mort: HAVE IT
Me: It's all damp and smelly!
Mort: IT'S LOVELY HAVE IT
Me: Fine! I'll take it!
Mort: YOU CAN'T HAVE IT IT'S MINE! Hahahahahaha! I'm SO FUNNY! It was so funny when I did that

Sometimes I wonder if we're on the same side

My brain: Dogs, dogs, dogs
Me: I'm trying to sleep...can you think of something else please?
Brain: How about some lovely whales instead?
Me: Yes! Whales. Great.
Brain: Swimming around, and making noises, and...FIGHTING! SPLASH SPLASH SPLASH HAHAHA
Me: Oh god
Brain: Remember when there was that grey whale with her baby, and those orcas -
Me: Shut up shut up shut up
Brain: ...and in the end they only ate the tongue!

Dog logic

Me: Mort, wait in the kitchen
Mort: I will wait in the kitchen
Me: *Really obviously goes into the living room and intrepidly hides the Kong in a really obvious spot*
Me: Find your Kong!
Mort: It must be somewhere in the kitchen

Starve, then

Me: Morning, cats. Breakfast time!
Harry: But Magnus is using my food bowl
Me: You can eat from Magnus' bowl.
Harry: Normally I eat from my bowl
Me: This morning you have to make an exception.
Harry: I don't have to put up with this.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Break a leg

Crunch My leg: CRUNCHITY CRUNCH Me: OWWW!!!! Mort: Oh, you're on the floor! What fun! There's a smell over here. What are we doing next? Are you getting up? What if I climb on you? Oh I tripped over your leg! Oh whoops I did it again! Lol. Me: I thought dogs were supposed to HELP THEIR OWNERS IN DISTRESS NOX Part of my mind that is still me: What's happening? Where am I? Part of my mind that has embraced the laughing gas: Shhhhh! It's all faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaine Me: Ouch! I'm sure that hurt, it felt like it should have hurt Laughing gas me: WOW that pain was PURPLE! Me: What are they doing to me?! My leg shouldn't feel like this. Laughing gas me: Purple pain, purple pain... Loyalty Me: Mort must be pining for me while I'm in hospital. My poor boy! Mort: Internalising Leg: Sorry guys, I'm out of action, so you have to lie in a bed for a while. Ears: Ok! We will help by producing lots of extra wax Brain: Ok! I will help by playing vivid...
Post a Comment
Read more

Rejection

Rub it in, why don't you? Gmail inbox: Here is an email rejecting you for a job you applied for. Me: Good to know, thanks. Gmail: Why don't you read it? Me: I know what it says. Ok, I'll click on it. Gmail: You haven't read it yet. Me: I just read it. Gmail: Read it again! I didn't see. Me: Fine! I will click on it and wait until you say I read it. Gmail: Ok, I am satisfied that you have read your email. **Next time I check Gmail** Gmail: Hey! You never read that email that rejected you for a job you applied for. Drive-thru #2 Person at the Drive-Thru window at MacDonalds: Would your dog like a biscuit? Mort: Less talk, more biscuit insertion Me: Thank you! Michael: You can have a chip as well, Mort. Mort: OVERLOAD The next time we went to the Drive-Thru: Person at the Drive-Thru: Would your dog like a biscuit? Mort: Oh! Yes. Me: Thank you! Mort: .... Mort: ....... Mort: 😔 Me: What's wrong? Mort: Last time I got a chip as wel...
Post a Comment
Read more

Inaudible dialogue archive

These are a few past posts that I have saved. Enjoy! 1st December 2018 Me: Breakfast, Harry and Magnus! Magnus: OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMFINISHED Harry: What is this? Me: It's the same as what you had yesterday, and the day before. Harry: Nathan fed me yesterday. Me: So? Harry: Nathan cuts it up for me. Me: Really?...okay. Magnus: I'll have it! Harry: SMALL pieces. 24th November 2018 Lewis: Vikki...Vikki...Vikki... Me: Whaaaaaat??!! Lewis: OMG you're awake! Let's get up! Me: Mmmmpfffff it's 6.30am Lewis: Yeah but let's get up! Me: ok FINE I'll stumble into the kitchen and make tea Lewis: Great! While you do that, I'm going back to bed. 1st November 2018 Mam and dad: We're going to the gym. Poppy: When mam and dad go to the gym, I go in my box. Me: But you don't have to tonight, because Michael and I are here! You can stay up and have fun with us! Poppy: When mam and dad go to ...
Post a Comment
Read more