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Trying to maintain some order around here

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Mort: Have this
Me: I don't want it
Mort: HAVE IT
Me: It's all damp and smelly!
Mort: IT'S LOVELY HAVE IT
Me: Fine! I'll take it!
Mort: YOU CAN'T HAVE IT IT'S MINE! Hahahahahaha! I'm SO FUNNY! It was so funny when I did that

Sometimes I wonder if we're on the same side

My brain: Dogs, dogs, dogs
Me: I'm trying to sleep...can you think of something else please?
Brain: How about some lovely whales instead?
Me: Yes! Whales. Great.
Brain: Swimming around, and making noises, and...FIGHTING! SPLASH SPLASH SPLASH HAHAHA
Me: Oh god
Brain: Remember when there was that grey whale with her baby, and those orcas -
Me: Shut up shut up shut up
Brain: ...and in the end they only ate the tongue!

Dog logic

Me: Mort, wait in the kitchen
Mort: I will wait in the kitchen
Me: *Really obviously goes into the living room and intrepidly hides the Kong in a really obvious spot*
Me: Find your Kong!
Mort: It must be somewhere in the kitchen

Starve, then

Me: Morning, cats. Breakfast time!
Harry: But Magnus is using my food bowl
Me: You can eat from Magnus' bowl.
Harry: Normally I eat from my bowl
Me: This morning you have to make an exception.
Harry: I don't have to put up with this.

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