Cheese, blankets, and camping

This is where cheese comes from

Me: Hey Mort, look over here for a sec
Mort: But everything is wonderful except you
Me: Look what I found! And totally didn't place here!
Mort: WHAT??!!
Me: Wild cheese cubes! In the grass!
Mort: HOW DID THAT GET THERE!!! HOW DID YOU FIND IT!!!
Me: Heh heh heh. Oh! Look! There's another patch over here! Fancy that!
Mort: WHAT SORCERY IS THIS??!!

I will never be comfy again

Me: I am going to take your blanket from your crate so I can wash it
Mort: WTF IS THIS?! I CAN'T LIE DOWN ANY MORE
Me: If you just come out, I can put a nice clean blanket in!
Mort: HOW COULD YOU DO THIS? WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO? THIS IS THE WORST THING EVER
Me: Ooo, there's something interesting over there!
Mort: Where?! Where?!
Me: *stealthy blanket switch*
Mort: Oh, new blanket! Yay! Yay! This is awesome!

Camping adventure

Me: Hooray, camping. At least if any danger comes my way, I will have the dogs.

*Later that night*
Mort: I HEARD SOMETHING
Lewis: WHAT
Ruru (owl): Ru-ru.
Both dogs: AAAHHHHHHHHHHH

Comments

Break a leg

Crunch My leg: CRUNCHITY CRUNCH Me: OWWW!!!! Mort: Oh, you're on the floor! What fun! There's a smell over here. What are we doing next? Are you getting up? What if I climb on you? Oh I tripped over your leg! Oh whoops I did it again! Lol. Me: I thought dogs were supposed to HELP THEIR OWNERS IN DISTRESS NOX Part of my mind that is still me: What's happening? Where am I? Part of my mind that has embraced the laughing gas: Shhhhh! It's all faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaine Me: Ouch! I'm sure that hurt, it felt like it should have hurt Laughing gas me: WOW that pain was PURPLE! Me: What are they doing to me?! My leg shouldn't feel like this. Laughing gas me: Purple pain, purple pain... Loyalty Me: Mort must be pining for me while I'm in hospital. My poor boy! Mort: Internalising Leg: Sorry guys, I'm out of action, so you have to lie in a bed for a while. Ears: Ok! We will help by producing lots of extra wax Brain: Ok! I will help by playing vivid...

Stir crazy

Sucker Mort: What's on the counter? Me: Get down from the counter. Mort: What's in the recycling bin? Me: Get out of the recycling bin. Mort: What's on the table? Me: Get down from the table. Mort: Good boy Mort? Me: No, not good boy Mort. Mort: Muesli bar for Mort? Me: No, no muesli bars for Mort. Mort: What if I sit? Me: That's not really enough. Mort: What if I rest my head in your lap and look at you as though you are my world? Me: Awwwww.....ohhh....ok! Cable Mort: Om nom nom cable Me: Whoa! No! Not that Mort: Good boy Mort? Me: No! Not good boy Mort! Mort: :( Me: Have your bone. Mort: Om nom nom bone Me: Yes! Mort: Good boy Mort? Me: Good boy Mort! Mort: :) Om nom nom nom BONE! Me: Phew! Mort: I just have to take my bone over to the cable Me: *doing Vikki things* Mort: Om nom nom bone...oh it's right by the cable...I might accidentally chew the cable... Me: Are you chewing the cable? Mort: Bone! Chewing my bone. Good boy Mort. Me: Make sure ...

Young, energetic dogs suffer such hardship.

Enrichment = mess Me: Here is a bottle filled with your breakfast. Mort: Awesome! I can rattle it around and get all the food out! Me: Yeah, that's the idea! And then you eat the food! Mort: Nope, I'll just leave it on the floor. But this is fun! Dog walker *Knock knock* Mort: MY WALKER IS HERE Me: I know, I'll just get your stuff. Mort: HURRY THE HECK UP Dog walker: Hello Vikki! How are- Mort: LET'S GO NOW Dog walker: Oh! Hello Mort. Mort: NOT INTERESTED LET'S GO Dog walker: How are you? Me: Great thanks! How are you? Mort: COME THE HECK ON I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS NONSENSE Expectations were not met Me: Breakfast, Mort! Mort: Yay! Hey....what's this rubbish? Me: Your food. Dog food. Mort: Yesterday you gave me chicken. Daylight savings Mort: It's 8am! You're not up! Are you dead?! Me: It's 7am actually...daylight savings, Mort! Mort: But I'm awaaaaake Me: Go back to sleep! Mort: I'll get on the bed...

Inaudible dialogues

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