Cheese, blankets, and camping

This is where cheese comes from

Me: Hey Mort, look over here for a sec
Mort: But everything is wonderful except you
Me: Look what I found! And totally didn't place here!
Mort: WHAT??!!
Me: Wild cheese cubes! In the grass!
Mort: HOW DID THAT GET THERE!!! HOW DID YOU FIND IT!!!
Me: Heh heh heh. Oh! Look! There's another patch over here! Fancy that!
Mort: WHAT SORCERY IS THIS??!!

I will never be comfy again

Me: I am going to take your blanket from your crate so I can wash it
Mort: WTF IS THIS?! I CAN'T LIE DOWN ANY MORE
Me: If you just come out, I can put a nice clean blanket in!
Mort: HOW COULD YOU DO THIS? WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO? THIS IS THE WORST THING EVER
Me: Ooo, there's something interesting over there!
Mort: Where?! Where?!
Me: *stealthy blanket switch*
Mort: Oh, new blanket! Yay! Yay! This is awesome!

Camping adventure

Me: Hooray, camping. At least if any danger comes my way, I will have the dogs.

*Later that night*
Mort: I HEARD SOMETHING
Lewis: WHAT
Ruru (owl): Ru-ru.
Both dogs: AAAHHHHHHHHHHH

Comments

The vet, the races, and the weather

Mort's fan club Every other dog I have ever taken to the vet: Me: Come on then, vet time! Dog: No no no this is awful I'm not going you'll have to drag me Vet nurses: Oh don't worry sweetie we won't hurt you Dog: *Cowers* Mort: Me: Come on then, vet time! Mort: AWESOME! Time to get my STRUT on and see my BITCHIZ Vet nurses: Oh Mort, oh Mort, you are so wonderful Mort: Ladies, please. One at a time! Fast, but thirsty Michael: I don't mind racing on the scooter with Mort pulling it Me: Awesome, maybe you'll do really well because you have a sense of balance Mort: I will find all the puddles on the trail and lie down in them and drink while I'm lying down Climate change *Every year for the last 8ish years...* Winter: I'm gonna come and make you COLD Me: Ok, I'm waiting Winter: Get your jumper on and prepare to be COLD! Me: It's the Solstice already and I'm not convinced Winter: You're gonna get properly col...

Broken legs make bored dogs

Loyalty *Six weeks ago* Me: Wanna play? Mort: Oh god yes! YEAH! I love you! *Four weeks ago* Mort: Wanna play? Me: Well, there's a limited range I can do, and I'm quite tired...but I'll give it a go. *Two weeks ago* Me: Wanna play? Mort: I guess? But you're so slow these days. *This week* Me: Wanna play? Mort: You're dead to me now. Brexit Me: What do you guys think about Brexit? Harry: Sorry, didn't hear you there over the sound of my own boredom Magnus and Mort: Breakfast? Not going out Mort: Let me out let me out LET ME OUT! Me: Michael, I think Mort wants to go out. Michael: Ok, I'll interrupt my much-needed sleep, get up, freeze half to death, stand on things and trip over things, in order to let you out, princess. Mort: I've suddenly changed my mind and HATE the idea of going out. Michael: Come on! Hurry up! It's cold! Mort: You can't make me! Me: Come on, Mort! Go outside with Michael! Mort: I'm going t...

What are inaudible dialogues?

Simply put, an inaudible dialogue is a conversation that nobody can hear, because it happens in your head. Is it still real? I think so, but if you're a stickler for reality, perhaps read My Science Game instead. I started writing inaudible dialogues as Facebook posts, years ago. Usually, something had passed between me and a cat that was so obviously a conversation that I had to share it. The fact that no words were spoken didn't matter. I am about to post an archive of all the Facebook dialogues that I saved, but most have been lost. They were always meant to be temporary, because they capture a snapshot of that moment shared between me and the cat, dog, shower curtain or whatever other creature or object was involved. However, they seem to be popular, so I will post them in this blog for others to enjoy. As unreal as inaudible dialogues seem, they capture real life. They can happen at any time, while you're doing any boring, mundane thing. To me, the dialogues wi...

Inaudible dialogues

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