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Chin up, Mort

The cast

Mort: A giant puppy made of legs.
Hera: New Zealand falcon bred to help save her kind. Held under permit for education and advocacy. Cares only for killing and eating.



******


Drive through

*Going through MacDonalds drive-thru [sic]*
*First window*
Speaker: Can I have your order please?
Mort: I know where we are...

Me: Some starch-based oil food, pleaseMort: THIS IS WHERE I GET TREATS!! DRIVE ON! NEXT WINDOW!Me: Calm down!

 *Next window*
Mort: This is it! Come ooooonnnn
Person at the window: Would you like a biscuit for your dog?
Mort: GIMME GIMME GIMME
Me: Yes please
Mort: Me, not her! Insert in mouth! Lovely lady!
Person at window: *Unsure what to do, inserts crappy cheap dog biscuit into Mort's mouth*
Mort: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH PLEASE CAN I LIVE WITH YOU BEHIND YOUR WINDOW
*Third window*
Mort: More biscuits?
Me: Only the second window gives out biscuits.
Mort: Maybe there will be more biscuits here?
Me: Nope, sorry buddy, you had it
Mort: If I'm good they will give me more biscuits here?
Me: I'm sure they will.


*Finished at MacDonalds, at home training*
Me: Do this trick for yummy meaty dog treat?
Mort: I guess I'll do it, but you can keep the treat.

Bone


Me: I have a busy day ahead. Better get to work!
Mort: I'm busy too.
Me: You're not supposed to have that. Chew this instead.
Mort: That's boring. I'm going to disappear and be quiet somewhere.
...
...
Me: What are you doing...?
Mort: Your shoes were all in pairs in one place. That's really inefficient. I've put one shoe in each part of the house so you always have access to a shoe.
Me: Thanks. Here, have a bone. Do some chewing so you will be relaxed and occupied.
Mort: Yay! A bone! I need to bury it somewhere.
Me: I'm not letting you outside.
Mort: I'll bury it in the carpet by the fireplace.
Me: Ok, tevs.
Mort: Oh no! You saw me. I'll bury it under my bed.
Me: I'm not looking.
Mort: Vikki...Vikki...VIKKI
Me: WHAT?
Mort: I'm burying my bone under my bed.
Me: That's fine! Good boy!
Mort: Oh no! You saw me! I need to find somewhere else to bury it.

Matchbox

Mort: I need this matchbox
Me: Nonononono hey! Wouldn't you rather play with your duck?
Mort: No
Me: How about your bone?
Mort: No
Me: Come on! Nice juicy bone right next to your nose!
Mort: No. The only thing that would please me right now is to chew this box of matches. All other toys pale in comparison.

Recall

Hera: Dog! What is your name?
Mort: "Mort, come". What's yours?
Hera: My name is "Hera! C'mon! *whistle* Where'd you go? C'mon! HEEEEEERA!".
Mort: Whoooa. You are GOOD at training humans.

Drive through #2

Guy at the MacDonalds Drive-Through: That's $4 please
Mort: HELLO!
Window guy: Please enter your PIN
Mort: HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Me: *looks at Mort*
Mort: BISCUIT TIME!
Me: *Looks at dog biscuit jar*
Mort: *Looks at dog biscuit jar*
Mort: *Looks at window guy*
Me: *Looks at window guy*
Window guy: You have a cute dog.
Mort: WHAT??!! THAT WAS IT?! WHERE'S MY BISCUIT?
Me: Thanks! *drives on*
Mort: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO




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