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The cast: animals featured in inaudible dialogues

Harry the cat: the black ninja

Harry is a nine-year-old rescue mog. While at first he may appear to be a sweet, cuddly little blossom, he has the heart of a Mafia boss and the skills and finesse of a ninja. His interest in food is mainly scientific. He likes to cuddle, but strictly on his terms. Unwelcome affection towards Harry is met with sudden and painful accupuncture.



Magnus the cat: devourer of worlds

Magnus is a nine-year-old rescue mog. For eight of his nine lives he was a cold-blooded killer, catching all manner of creatures from mice to rabbits. However, in later years he has preferred the finer things in life. Mostly eating. But mostly sleeping. His culinary interests are diverse, including bread, chickpea juice, and cubes of raw potato.




Lewis the dog: neurotic busybody

Lewis is an eight-year-old rescue collie. He loves playing with other dogs, who think he is an idiot. However, while he is a clown in the dog park, he is the fun police at home. He likes the day to start at 6.30 sharpish, and any funny business, horseplay or laughter is strongly frowned upon.


Mort the dog: teenage hipster

Mort was born in April 2018, and had a horrific start to life. Luckily, he was rescued and used to herd cattle for a bit until I picked him up at the tender age of eight months. He has the legs of a supermodel, the eyes of a romantic, and the coordination of a pantomime horse. I got him so we could do agility and canicross together (and hopefully bikejoring, later on), but his favourite thing to do is run around with other dogs. He thinks he's cool; the other dogs think he's an idiot.


Hera the falcon: single-minded murder bird

Hera was bred in captivity for education, as part of a conservation program. She is one of only a few thousand New Zealand falcons left in the world, and as her species is declining in the wild she is part of an initiative to help raise awareness and support for falcon conservation. Hera, however, is oblivious to her cause and cares only for chicken and killing things. She shows no affection or care towards me, her trainer and handler, and she will stop at nothing to get what she wants. She constantly screams for food, despite the fact that she gets several hours of free flight every day and is perfectly capable of feeding herself. Despite her one-track mind, she is a beautiful, perfectly proportioned creature capable of astonishing aerial feats, and I never cease to admire her.


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