Inaudible dialogues

Sucker Mort: What's on the counter? Me: Get down from the counter. Mort: What's in the recycling bin? Me: Get out of the recycling bin. Mort: What's on the table? Me: Get down from the table. Mort: Good boy Mort? Me: No, not good boy Mort. Mort: Muesli bar for Mort? Me: No, no muesli bars for Mort. Mort: What if I sit? Me: That's not really enough. Mort: What if I rest my head in your lap and look at you as though you are my world? Me: Awwwww.....ohhh....ok! Cable Mort: Om nom nom cable Me: Whoa! No! Not that Mort: Good boy Mort? Me: No! Not good boy Mort! Mort:  :( Me: Have your bone. Mort: Om nom nom bone Me: Yes! Mort: Good boy Mort? Me: Good boy Mort! Mort:  :)  Om nom nom nom BONE! Me: Phew! Mort: I just have to take my bone over to the cable Me: *doing Vikki things* Mort: Om nom nom bone...oh it's right by the cable...I might accidentally chew the cable... Me: Are you chewing the cable? Mort: Bone! Chewing my bone. Good boy Mort. Me: Make sure ...

Crunch My leg: CRUNCHITY CRUNCH Me: OWWW!!!! Mort: Oh, you're on the floor! What fun! There's a smell over here. What are we doing next? Are you getting up? What if I climb on you? Oh I tripped over your leg! Oh whoops I did it again! Lol. Me: I thought dogs were supposed to HELP THEIR OWNERS IN DISTRESS NOX Part of my mind that is still me: What's happening? Where am I? Part of my mind that has embraced the laughing gas: Shhhhh! It's all faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaine Me: Ouch! I'm sure that hurt, it felt like it should have hurt Laughing gas me: WOW that pain was PURPLE! Me: What are they doing to me?! My leg shouldn't feel like this. Laughing gas me: Purple pain, purple pain... Loyalty Me: Mort must be pining for me while I'm in hospital. My poor boy! Mort: Internalising Leg: Sorry guys, I'm out of action, so you have to lie in a bed for a while. Ears: Ok! We will help by producing lots of extra wax Brain: Ok! I will help by playing vivid...

The cast Mort: A giant puppy made of legs. Hera: New Zealand falcon bred to help save her kind. Held under permit for education and advocacy. Cares only for killing and eating. ****** Drive through *Going through MacDonalds drive-thru [sic]* *First window* Speaker: Can I have your order please? Mort: I know where we are... Me: Some starch-based oil food, please Mort: THIS IS WHERE I GET TREATS!! DRIVE ON! NEXT WINDOW! Me: Calm down! *Next window* Mort: This is it! Come ooooonnnn Person at the window: Would you like a biscuit for your dog? Mort: GIMME GIMME GIMME Me: Yes please Mort: Me, not her! Insert in mouth! Lovely lady! Person at window: *Unsure what to do, inserts crappy cheap dog biscuit into Mort's mouth* Mort: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH PLEASE CAN I LIVE WITH YOU BEHIND YOUR WINDOW *Third window* Mort: More biscuits? Me: Only the second window gives out biscuits. Mort: Maybe there will be more biscuits here? Me: Nope, sorry buddy, you had i...